The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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