she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
did you just send me my own nude
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
