my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
