the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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