you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
