Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
