Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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