You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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