Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize