Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
that's an acceptable place to lick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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