Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
