Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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