Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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