I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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