he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize