I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
