i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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