I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
