I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
