I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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