I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
