you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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