True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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