we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize