I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
