just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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