what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
