So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
