I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
