Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
