I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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