I wish my penis had an off switch
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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