Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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