My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
