I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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