God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
