Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dignity is for republicans.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
