Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
