next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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