she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
