He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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