Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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