its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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