last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
