Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
