your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
