I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
