Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
