***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
