It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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