We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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