I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
