He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
