if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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