i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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