as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
