I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
