Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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