my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
