so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize