i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
