yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
