The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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