my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
