I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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