It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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