Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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