Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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