You're so nebulous sometimes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
