just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cockslap morals
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
