didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
