4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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