Will you blow on my dice?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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