I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
