....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
