you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
