No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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