I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
