So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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