i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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