Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
