He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
