there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
