Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
