I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize