You're completely useless in the revolution.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
