and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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