he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
