i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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