is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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