best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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