You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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