you would pick up someone in the library
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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