I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Randomize
