i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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