shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
