Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
