There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
