i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
