i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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