i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
