Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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