She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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