You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think a kid would responsible me up
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
