I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
