Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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