I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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