is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He felt like a one man threesome
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
